Husband Material: grrrr

At least the pic is cute

 

 [Boyfriend Material and Husband Material are written by Alexis Hall]

So i just binged through the Boyfriend Material and then Husband Material books. Boyfriend Material was OK though rather plodding. Oliver in it has almost no character development and frankly his character is boring which was the overall premise for why he was a safe choice for Luc, but we get nothing more. His main attribute is seemingly being able to deal with Luc's neuroses and that's about it. Who is this guy? Yes, he's neurotic too but not in a lovable way. Does he have any passions and things he likes to do outside of work? It's all so robotic and while that's the actuality of a lot of life it's not a good formula for a book character. At least with Red White and Royal Blue Henry's facade is defensive and he's revealed to have a rich inner life when he lets it down. With Oliver? Not much there other that his weird neuroses. Luc seems to love him only because Oliver loves him back -- not a good formula for a relationship.

 

So now to Husband Material. I had heard it was a bad sequel and it didn't disappoint. I've read that the author's name is a pen name which is fine, but the reason he gives is that his writing is not compatible with his day job. Hmm. There may be perfect legit reasons to separate the two, but it could be from a closety point of view too. Given the rest of the book and the hints of internalized homophobia in Boyfriend Material I'm leaning on the more uncharitable take.

 

So anyway, here we find out that not only is Oliver boring, he treads dangerously close to the Unlike the Other Gurls style of internalized homophobia*. It's OK not to care about Drag Race or rainbow flags, etc, etc, but when you feel oppressed by it that's a red flag. They go on and on about a fucking balloon rainbow arch at their wedding. I mean, wtf? Your bf wants it and it freaks you out? Another red flag. That's the hill you'll die on? The proper response is to roll your eyes and let your boyfriend make it his wedding too. Having rainbow whatever at your wedding doesn't define you, after all. After the wedding you can go back to not giving a shit about all of the gay trappings.

 

The entire premise is pretty lame of Luc offhanded musing that they should get married was an actual marriage proposal. I mean, who does that? It's certainly not uncommon for couples to discuss marriage ahead of time before one of them proposes. In fact, I think lack of discussion is pretty much a red flag in and of itself. Marriage does bring responsibilities along with its yummy rights and shouldn't be entered lightly. If nothing else, you'd want to figure out what it means for finances. It's just not believable that an offhand remark should be binding. So the entire premise is flawed.

 

There is also Oliver's switch from vegetarian to vegan now and apparently it's messing with his physique. Previously he went on about Uber and its unsustainability. I certainly agree that Uber is a piece of shit company but that doesn't seem to the entire point. There may be other neuroses that I'm forgetting, but it seems to me that what the author is really doing is making a point: Virtue Signaling bad. Virtual Signaling harmful. The entire bit with rainbowphobia may well be in the same vein: that Luc is virtue signaling his gayness or something weird like that. His internalized homophobia might rationalize his internalize homophobia  into a stand against virtue signaling. I won't say with certainty that's what's going on, but given the rest is sure seems like it is possible.

The book itself is basically a bunch of weddings. There really doesn't seem to be much point to them other than setting up the strawman argument that marriage requires heteronormativity. I couldn't even finish the Alex wedding chapter because it was just so awful in both is glacial pace, and its silly premises. Brig's wedding seems to be about the  Best Day of Her Life  and setting up other heteronormative strawmen. But going to his ex's wedding who shit on him to the tabloids? Why on earth would anybody do that? In my humble opinion weddings are perfect for finding a reason to get out of them, and that is such a trivial Nope. But that's just me, I suppose. But it still remains absurd, and I really don't get what the entire message is supposed to be. That Luc is an abuse bottom? The only part that had any redeeming value was the part where Oliver gave his speech at his father's funeral.  So we're going for Three Weddings and Funeral, but we really aren't because it wasn't romantic and it wasn't funny.

 

The final part is so messed up and contradictory that it makes me want to strangle Oliver. First of all as a barrister if he doesn't understand the vast legal infrastructure that marriage provides he should be disbarred. He has a homophobic mother who would absolutely disinherit Luc were something to happen to Oliver. They both seem to buy into the bs that marriage changes everything and the Special Day and that marriage is special and that marriage is showing love. What twaddle. My husband and I had been together for 14 years before we got legally married and 15 years later You know what's changed? The legal stuff and that's it. It was a great party with friends and not much more. Then the complete idiocy of calling it off because Oliver didn't want to be thought of as wanting white picket fences. Well then fucking don't have them and who cares if people think you do? He doesn't want to be heteronormative when that's literally how he's been the entire time? What the actual fuck? I mean, not wanting to kiss until you like/love somebody is as heteronormative as it gets (and even then most actual heterosexuals find that sort of normativity to be no barrier to, er,  entry). Is this the author saying that gay marriage: bad because it might make you look gay? Or straight? Or something else? We're left to speculate because it's never resolved. I kept getting more and more worried as the number of pages dwindled with absolutely no resolution in sight. And then, nothing. We're left wondering what the fuck just happened. 

Luc's part of not wanting to get married at least makes a little more sense in that it seems to relate to commitment issues. The last little bit about they shouldn't work but do is a commitment issue. But then there is the weird take that the limerence period isn't permanent in a relationship about their date night.Yet that is true regardless if you have a marriage license or not. The only way to feel that way again is to find somebody new. And it's not like you can't have nice romantic date nights just because you're married. But the whole thing is rather silly as they should have had conversations about all of this, so maybe a valid reason to not get married is that they are too immature. Regardless, this is deeply unsatisfying in that we really have to guess why he really doesn't want to get married.

 

This is just infuriating to me who has done my part in the journey for marriage equality including being the face of gay marriage for a time on NBC. Lots of people in the day had a lot of issues with gay marriage and its implications about patriarchy. Fine. But then AIDS happened and showed that those legal protections were really fucking important and that the heteronormativity was optional all along. Nobody is forcing you to get married any more than they are forcing you to like rainbow balloon arches. This is clearly written by somebody who has no fucking clue what marriage is actually about for gay people, or chooses to ignore that vital part. All I have to say is if the supposed premise of the next book is about getting kids and they don't consider the legal implications the answer is: no, don't. That's especially true with homophobic relatives who could make life a living hell. 

If you want to have a conversation about the merits and demerits of marriage, fine. But pulling the rug out at the last possible moment with basically zero discussion? That's one giant NOPE. The only thing that makes any sense to me about the whole thing is that the author has some real issues that he very likely doesn't realize he has. That he's hoping for affirmation for his internalized homophobia which is definitely a thing with disaffected gays, especially men in my experience. But straight acting Oliver not wanting to get gay married? Quelle surprise. Bletch.

 

1/10

 

[*] Unlike the Other Gurls is a manifestation of internalized homophobia where the person tries to claim that they are not like the flamboyant gays and why do they have to be that way? Never mind that actual flamboyant gays are a minority. Typically the reason is that they are afraid that their gay fabulosity will reflect poorly on them somehow. This can range from disgust at drag queens all the way to the most insignificant indicator like a rainbow bracelet or some other thing that might tip another person off that they are either gay or gay friendly.

Why I think Red White and Royal Blue succeded

One of the most realistic gay sex scenes I've seen

Romcoms are pretty much a dime a dozen and mostly just like a quick fix of sugar and gone in 5 minutes. The premise of RWRB is pretty silly in many ways -- a Prince of England and the First Son of the US--  like that's terribly likely. Throw in gay and it's getting even more tenuous on the reality front. But romcoms are supposed to be silly, so it's just hewing to the the genre. RWRB is more than that though.

First off there is Henry, the closeted prince. The intersection of celebrity and the closet has got to be a terrible place to live. Given the internet -- and its forever nature -- I think things are probably even worse than the bad old days. I like to use the analogy of Hollywood. In the old days you could be a gay celeb and the studios would run deflection for you. Hollywood was and is homophobic, but stars make them money and money > homophobia. So back then you could be more or less discreet and live a pretty gay life. Everybody around town knew so and so was gay, but the studios controlled the narrative and could take channel locks to the balls of the press if need be. With the internet -- "you're on your own, son". 

I think a lot of gay people really relate to Henry's predicament even if they haven't been in the closet forever or were never in it in the first place. The closet is a near universal experience for gay people and it can be soul crushing. The most typical reason is religion, but it can be for almost any reason where it's dangerous to come out. In Henry's case it's the shitty expectations of family. Even for those of us who had it pretty easy, we've all witnessed people and their closets and the stories about it and it is truly heartbreaking. While Nick Nelson in Heartstopper was also closeted, it was largely a closet of his own making. Maybe that's not quite fair, but his stakes were pretty low. Henry on the other hand is truly fucked. I think that kind of closet is much less common in gay movies, especially when you throw in how hard it is to be private. It makes you ache for him.

For Alex it's another angle that you don't really see. Alex isn't closeted because he doesn't understand his feelings. We know that he's obsessed with Henry, but he doesn't understand the real reason. He tries to rationalize that Henry is awful and entitled, but the book makes it much more clear that Alex finds other guys attractive and he definitely finds Henry very attractive, but he thinks it's normal for straight guys to be able find other guys attractive. That's certainly true -- I can find women to be beautiful but that doesn't mean I want to fuck them. But Alex always has doubt  as to which is which.

So I like the latent bisexual arc and it's pretty unusual. Unlike Nick Nelson from Heartstopper who is quite young and still in the phase where you're usually figuring things out, Alex is older and almost certainly dabbling in the hot chick circuit. His dalliance with Liam was in high school, so that too is easy to blow off since that's pretty common. We never know if Alex has had girlfriends before -- seemingly not -- but he's almost certainly had a fair amount of sex. Zarah more or less confirms that when she tells Alex "and no hookups" for his trip to make Henry his new bud.

Then comes the caketastrophy and the subsequent need to be buds. And then they start flirting. Henry is overtly and not so discreetly flirting with Alex, and Alex the great emotional intellect remains clueless. I'm not sure I've seen that done, like anywhere? Then comes the New Years Eve party and Alex is still clueless about his real feelings for Henry. Then Henry kisses him which is like a bolt of lightning out of the blue. Alex finally understands what this has meant. It's just that it took a clue-by-four to get him to realize it. Even his confession to Nora is weak: he's looking for an out and she reads him to filth. I really like this as it completely changed everything in his life and his understanding of himself. It doesn't really need to be a prince to have that sort of awakening, but it helps because you're probably not going to have a decade long obsession with the schlub across the street. 

So that's very unusual to the point of I don't think I've ever seen that kind of bisexual representation, especially male bisexuals representation. Male bisexuals are still pretty invisible and often find themselves in a weird no-man's land where gay men don't trust them not to run off to a little missus, and women are worried that they are really gay and just using them as a beard. The reality is there are probably tons of male bisexuals who just label themselves as gay or straight because a) it's easier especially if they are more attracted to one than the other and b) if the issue isn't forced. But Alex has definitely been forced and big time. He now knows that he's extremely sexually attracted to Henry and it was sexual tension all along. That's fun for a big old homo like me who's known he was from puberty on. True lots of people don't get it till much later, but it's usually repression. Alex just never makes the connection until Henry kisses him. 

The Red Room seals that they are now lovers. And boy can they not get enough of each other. The other thing that is sort of unusual is the banter both in and out of bed. Sex is not just animalistic or sensual, though it can be. Sex is fun and can be silly and playful too. That you definitely don't see often. The scene in New York where they are racing to get their clothes off laughing the entire way captures that playfulness. Matthew Lopez and his intimacy coordinator who are both gay really did a good job of capturing some of the dimensions of how gay men actual experience sex rather than the one dimensional crap that is all too common. Nick Galitzine is almost certainly straight, but my god did he get the making love scene right. Hats off.

The other part that works is that it really pulls on your heartstrings. Henry is perfectly happy with Alex as his plaything figuring Alex will get bored of him eventually. But that is incredibly sad because Henry has been in love with Alex all along. Even though the deleted fireside scene doesn't entirely make sense, you feel for Henry. He's trying to escape and let Alex love him, but he panics. That was just so horrible for both of them. Henry hurt Alex in the worst possible way. I read that in the KP bedroom scene where Alex gives Henry his ultimatum that Taylor started crying and then Nick heard him and started crying too completely unscripted -- that is very special. I figured it was scripted but to find out that the actors were so invested in that scene -- wow.  Bet that doesn't happen often in Hollywood. Then there's where Alex flies to London after the scandal and they meet on the stairs. When do you see with gay flicks two lovers who are in complete despair trying to comfort one another? Holding the Man maybe? That and it's it's almost impossible for me to not speculate when Alex is really in love with Henry. My feeling is that it was when they made love that Alex knew that he was falling.

From the comedy part of romcom, Zarah is just wonderful. Her mental breakdown finding Henry in the closet is beautifully acted. And of course there is the obvious irony of closeted Henry being in a real life closet.  But Henry and Alex both provide plenty too with their constant banter even when it's very obvious they are in love. My prediction is that Alex goes to his grave with Henry's contact as HRH Prince Dickhead 💩. From the very first time they really meet there is tension especially with Henry calling Alex sweetheart in a teasing way. In the book the scene with the turkeys Alex is trying to get the turkey to gobble for Henry and Henry tries to guide him "look the turkey in the eye..." and eventually "buy the turkey a vacation house in Mallorca". I think this is really a guy thing as guys are supposed to be competitive with one another. Too often that goes missing. The scene in the book with Henry after Alex fucks him and can't get any words out he thinks something to the effect of "if I had known that's what it takes to shut him up, I'd have done it months ago". Beautiful.

One last thing that may be a bit underrated was the cinematography. It was beautifully shot. The stairs scene. The overhead raft at the lake scene. The drowning scene. The shots with Bea in that beautiful garden. The first kiss scene. The deleted fireside chat scene. And my goodness the absolute beauty of the scene at the V & A. And of course the cake scene. I heard that they had a really famous cinematographer who also shot Angels in America. Now that had to have been a challenge at every level with Angels coming out of ceilings fergawdsakes so his pedigree is real. The sets were really well done too. They must have cost a pretty penny. The costuming is pretty ok too, though it's fairly easy because they are dressed in boring suits for the most part. And the infernal use of The Sheep May Safely Graze earworm that has burrowed into the center nucleus of my brain. The sound track was really good. Except for that. God damn you to hell.

It's not to say that the movie (and the book) don't have flaws. For the movie the near fatal flaw is that the  time budget of two hours was way too short. That's the studio's decision though. I really don't have a problem with a lot of what was cut -- Wimbledon was just another excuse to fuck and LA didn't work as well as the movie IMO (I mean, both drunk and Henry having just eaten an In-N-Out double double before getting porked?). But the cut from the polo scene to Paris was way too abrupt and lacked any context. Same with the DNC speech and the coming out scene. It took me a while to figure out that they were two different scenes since they were in the Oval Office but seemed like they were still in New York. And the entire last several scenes went by way too fast. The Miguel Ramos plot device was not great either. The book is flawed there too (er, what happened?), but a scorned journalist queen? Feh. 

So overall these are the reasons I tell myself why I'm not insane to be obsessed. The book and the movie had real innovations and things that you don't often see. I keep telling myself that I'm retired and it's not embarrassing to have something to obsess about since I'm kind of bored. It is, of course, but this is my defense. I may be convicted and sent to 6 years of hard labor at loser reform camp, but I'm at peace with that. My husband Aric even bought me a History Huh? mug and shirts. I was mortified. But popcorn. I need more popcorn. And a fucking sequel.